Don't Judge Me

       This has been a sentiment which has become the battle cry of recent generations.  Its’ use is growing in popularity among those who wish not to be defined by their actions.  But, is this being statement being used appropriately? I fear, this sentiment is now being used mostly to escape accountability for our actions, becoming a “get out of jail free” card. “I can live however I want to live, look however I want to look, do whatever it is that I want to do, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise.” Inevitably, when a person tries to speak truth into this persons life, the “truth speaker” is met with this sentiment, “Who are you to judge me?” This person who cares enough to give wisdom and insight is now labeled as “judgmental”.  The problem: this anthem is being used incorrectly majority of the time. How does this affect Christians?  Christians have been labeled as the most judgmental people to exist.  Lets just go ahead and admit that for the most part this previous statement is true.  From the single mother to the unwed couple living together, the man covered with tattoos, there are many who would say these people are not welcome in our church. This is an mindset that I am grateful is disappearing. 

I am fortunate enough to work at a place where I meet people of all different walks in life.  From the 6’6” tattooed biker to the 16 yr. old high school cheerleader and everything in between.  Something that I have come to love is how for a lot of these people first perceptions about them can be way off!  The tattooed biker mentioned previously upon first glance, scared me.  This is a big guy who looks like he has a rough past and you would not want to make him mad or meet in a dark alley.  After a few conversations with him, I was pleasantly surprised to find him to be one of the nicest people I have ever had the chance of getting to meet.  He turned out to be a Christian and a man using his appearance to reach a group of people who are often missed by the churches. Would this man be welcome in most churches?  Sadly not.  But is there a difference when scripture says, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7.1 ESV) and trying to help someone by giving them advice or truths that are sometime hard to hear? Yes!

What has happened because of this “don’t judge me” mentality is that many Christians feel that they are not allowed to stand up for what is right, what is true, and what is biblical, without being labeled as “judgmental”.  Scripture definitely teaches that you should judge! And at the same time you should not judge. How can this be possible? Easy. Its the simple fact that there are actually two different forms of judging talked about in scripture.  

The right way to judge, is to discern between right or wrong, good or bad.  When looking at judging this way, we as Christians should be very judgmental.  We are given the task on earth of growing in Christ and to become more like him, a process known as sanctification.  How can this be done if we do not look at the many options in life and discern what it is that is right or wrong?  How can we make good decisions in life if we are not allowed to view choices through the proper perspective? Plain and simple scripture teaches that we as Christians should judge and that the proper use of judging it for discernment between what is right and what is wrong. About this I think there can be no argument. (1 Cor. 2.15)

The wrong type of judgment, the one that scripture condemns, is to condemn a person because of their actions or lifestyle. At no point should the Christian look at a person’s sin in their life and decide for themselves this person is an awful human being.  To write off, condemn, mistreat, or have a prejudice towards people based on behavior or outward appearance is condemned by scripture. By the way the very people that we tend to write off, are the very people that Christ sought out. (Matthew 7.7)

The truth is that it is very possible to separate the sins from the person. We can dislike and not approve of what a person does AND still love that person.  Many young adults today though are unable to take criticism for its true purpose.  Instead of criticism as an attack on you personally it should be taken as advice meant only to help.

To the Christian, rest easy in the simple fact that you are allowed to use judgment in a right way. When people confront you as being judgmental, take a step back and make sure that you are not being prejudice towards a particular group of people; which is easy to do because we are human.  Do not be afraid to take stands on what is right. We must learn to separate a persons actions from the person.  We can not like what a person does and still love that person. For many people today disagreement means dislike.  If you do not agree with the way I think about this you do not like me as a person.  This is not true and it is very possible to disagree with someone and still love a person.

To the person who uses this phrase, “Don’t judge me”, it is time to grow up.  When someone speaks words of wisdom or gives advice they are not judging you, but judging (rightfully) your actions and trying to help point you in a better direction. More often than not they are doing this because they care for you.

The Lost Art of Remembering

I love trips home.  Recently we had Easter break from school, an entire week off, and I was able to make a trip home.  Aside from visiting old friends and all the traveling I did, one of my most favorite activities was getting to sit on the back porch of my parents’ house.  You see, we live far away from the noise of the city; in fact, if you were to spend the entire day home you would be lucky to see more than 20 cars. To many this sounds absolutely dreadful, but the thing that I like most about being home is the quiet.  After dinner on Saturday night, my father made a pot of coffee, and we were able to sit on the back porch, in the quiet, and drink a good cup of joe. I know that for me, my best thinking is done when it is just quiet.

This night in particular I began to think of two different activities that are seemingly lost in most people today: reflection and introspection.  I know that I rarely take the opportunity to practice these, and it should be done more often.  Before I go on, I would like to clarify what it is that I mean by reflection and introspection.  Reflection does not mean remembering; although these two go hand in hand with each other, they are different activities. To remember would be to conjure up in your mind past events that have taken place in your life, but that would be as far as that would go.  To reflect upon yourself would be to carefully consider who you are by looking upon your physical and mental states of the past.  Introspection is the idea of examining oneself inwardly and really being honest with what one sees, truly understanding who you are right now in this moment.  Most people neglect both of these activities today, and we are in desperate need for a return to them.

There are many reasons why these activities have escaped from people today, but two are most likely the main causes. The first is the inability to escape people today, and the second is the idea of immediacy.  The sophistication of technology today is almost frustrating.  With the ability that cell phones now have to receive text messages, emails, and even check whichever social network is the craze at the moment; we have ensured the fact that we cannot escape.  No matter where you are in the world today (excluding most third world countries) you are accessible to anyone and everyone at all times. The idea of inescapability is daunting.  The only way to really be able to escape communication with everyone would be to power off all our devices and leave them off.  This idea is unheard of; for most people, the idea of turning off the power to their Iphones or Blackberries seems ludicrous.  Even if we were able to turn the phone off, just knowing that people were still sending emails and texts that we are not receiving is enough to keep us from being at ease.  Let us not forget that the way the world operates now, people know that you have immediate access to their messages and expect a prompt response.  People begin to get upset when they are not responded to and may begin to feel that they are being ignored because you have not responded to them in 30 minutes.  People today have far too much to say. If you look at any social network site today, it is filled with people’s ramblings, ninety-eight percent of which have no importance to anyone else other than themselves.  Yet people feel the need to put every thought that they have on the World Wide Web for everyone in the world to be able to see, all the while not realizing that in the future this may hurt them.  Just think about it: anyone you ever meet in the future, for any job interview you later have, will have the ability to see anything you have EVER written!  Just this fact alone should force people to think more about what they say before it is said.  It is almost impossible today to be able to get away from people and be able to get alone.

The idea of the immediacy was described a little bit while talking about technology.  The American culture today is all about the immediate.  We are more concerned with the ability to receive things as fast as possible.  Why is it that the fast food industry has been so prominent in America? Rather than go home and make for ourselves a healthy meal, we like to buy the fact that we can get our food in five minutes rather than one hour (who cares what it does to our bodies).  For so long the idea of immediacy has controlled our lives that it has also began to control the way we think.  For most young people today the inability to think beyond the here and now has made us short sighted.  We can no longer think about the future, in dreams and plans, because of this immediacy mindset.  This has been detrimental for reflection and introspection of the individual.  Being so focused on the present we have forgotten to look back and even more, we have forgotten to look forward until later on in life when we begin to wonder why we waited so long to begin to think about such matters.

Both of these activities are important for every person to do, but even more so for the Christian.  A big part of the Christian walk is growing in Christ, a process known as sanctification.  The question is, how is it possible to see how we are growing if we never reflect upon on ourselves in the past?  I got this opportunity when I was home, on the back porch, in the quiet.  I thought back upon myself when I first began to pursue a degree in ministry, August of 2007.  It is now April of 2011 and I can honestly say that this was the first time that I really sat back and reflected on my walk.  I can tell you that there are many ways that I have changed, things that I am proud of, but there are also things that looking back on I realize, I was doing better.  If the process of sanctification is for the purpose of godliness and to become more Christ-like, I need to be able to measure that growth in order to make sure that I am growing in the right ways.  This will only be done through reflection. 

The activity of introspection goes along with the idea of reflection.  How can one carefully consider themselves and where they are right now if they do not know where they have come from?  Introspection should also lead us beyond just considering ourselves now but looking to the future to see what kind of person it is I wish to become. After seeing the areas that I am doing better in my walk and the things I am doing worse, I am now able to take an accurate look at myself and see which areas in my life that it is I wish to improve upon. Doing this should lead us to make a projection of ourselves in the future where we are able to see the person we will become in time, if we continue in the same path.  A good friend of mine, Dr. Alvin Reid, once said, “You will never drift into holiness, godliness, or into praying more. You will drift into apathy, laziness and into being unhealthy.” The reality is that many people today do not think this way.  We know what kind of person it is that we wish to be in five years, but instead of making a plan to get there, we assume that it will just happen.  This is exactly how people spend five years of their life and realize they are no closer to becoming the person that they wish to be. Christianity is a walk that is made up of concentrated efforts to pursue the things of God and flee from sin.

Take some time in the near future and get alone.  Turn off your phone; don’t worry, those emails can wait; grab your favorite drink; and sit in the quiet.  Use that time to reflect on the person that you used to be and the person you are now.  Do you like where you are? Are you growing? Have you gone backwards from where you would like to be? You might find some ugly truths about yourself, but who knows, maybe you will be pleasantly surprised with where you are and how you are growing.  No matter where you are at though we must realize that we are nowhere near being finished in our growth process.  After reflecting on your past, use introspection to see where it is that you wish to be in the future and what things must you change right now in your life in order to get there.  John Piper wrote a book entitled Don’t Waste Your Life, the purpose being how to live a life that in the end was not wasted on vanity.   Begin these two activities of reflection and introspection so that you do not find yourself in a place in life where you look back and see that years have been wasted. Use these to grow and become the person it is that you wish to be. My prayer is that you never look back at a point of time in your life and feel that it was time wasted.